Five Best:

1. T. O’Halloran’s genuine “one-knee in his back then launch” speccy from a Kew kick-in midway through the first quarter – good to know someone in Clubbies can get up that high.
2. Robbo’s superbly executed chase through the mud bath/cess pit that was the centre square after a loose footy only to swan dive front-first the final 10 metres before hanging on to the aggot to force a ball-up. A new and exciting way to get yourself to the contest although T. Mayfield on jumper cleaning duties wish he had waited for a week – the acid soak is having some impact but that jumper will never be truly right again.
3. Skipper JD’s pre-game speech (after a laid-back warm-up even by NOB clubbies standards). Went along the lines of: “I like Hawthorn, they are my team, but did you see them on Friday night? I am pissed with the Hawks and these blokes are wearing Hawthorn colours so let’s smash them” (speech edited for content.)
4. B.Lawty – contested ball machine.
5. The Victoria Park facilities. Despite serving up a mud bath in the middle, there can be no complaints about the standard of the clubrooms. The benefits of playing your footy in the leafy Eastern suburbs.

Five Worst:

1. Another NOBs patented sluggish third quarter in which yet another unworthy opponent was allowed to briefly get on a roll before being closed out.
2. L. Cross ducking, weaving, jiving and pirouetting his way out of trouble in the back pocket, only for his muscle memory to completely lapse when it came time to kick the pill, which he missed completely (no opponent in sight they were still looking for the candy they’d just been sold), thereby coughing it up and allowing Kew to pump it back over his head for a sausage roll.
3. D. Kracker streaming in to an open goal on his preferred left side, from 20m out, looking to snag his first ever six-pointer, only for the elusive ways of the oval-shaped ball, the greasy weather, and the somewhat acute angle to intervene to prevent him from covering himself in glory. Next time mate, next time.
4. S.O’Connell getting pinged for travelling more than 15m without a bounce, despite the fact that he was bursting out from half-back through the middle of the ground where the mud was knee-deep and any attempt at a bounce may have led to the ball sinking without a trace.
5. S. de Natris twinging his hammy attempting a T.O’Halloran-inspired speccy – hope to have you back soon.